Do you find yourself guarding your sacred time around certain people? Let’s face it, some people, even those on a quest for growth and soul searching, can be stuck in a story and invested in fighting for their self-imposed limitations.
There will be no forward movement if they can’t get out of the story because, at the mere mention of it, they get triggered.
We each have experienced unpleasant things, traumatic events, and experiences we wish had never happened. However, we can’t ignore that they happened. And we can’t ask the people around us to ignore it either. If you or someone you love lives in fear of a certain memory, that is a trigger. Unless tended to, triggers don’t go away, no matter how hard we try to sweep them under the rug.
We are each responsible for our healing journey. Even the people closest to us – it’s not up to us to fix them. We cannot make anyone do anything. All we can do is lead by example. If they choose to follow, then that is a win.
When someone is triggered, it’s a beautiful opportunity to look within versus blaming. Recently I heard a story about a young woman who fell sick with an auto-immune disease. She had a traumatic childhood and never healed from it.
I heard about her from her friends, who were flustered because she was a practicing health coach and they couldn’t accept that she wasn’t walking her talk. They watched her refuse to take responsibility. They questioned her integrity because she was a closet smoker while teaching health. Whenever her friends brought this up, this woman became extremely triggered and finally cut these people out of her life. They gave up. Who wins?
In psychology, there is a term called secondary gains. With secondary gains, the client is unaware of the benefit they derive from something seemingly unwanted. Therefore, on an unconscious level, they may not want to heal. They may gain more by being sick. This could be attention, sympathy, or wanting to feel important. This secondary gain prevents individuals from dealing with whatever they’re working so hard to avoid. Therefore, this can be why some heal, and others don’t.
Guarding your time as sacred is healthy. Beware of making excuses for others’ abusive behavior, settling to avoid or disappoint, and having to prove yourself to earn love.
Let others have different opinions, respect yourself and protect yourself by standing in your core values. This is not about making other people wrong, just wrong for you.
In Beauty and Wellness,
Holly xo